Extreme Kindness

Chris's Journal - October 24, 2002

Back to Toronto we fly, this time stomachs aren’t turning with the traffic whirling around us. The cityscape before me is familiar, and inviting, the clouds of a week ago have lifted, and the building reflect the city’s warmth. My hair was still damp from the spray of Niagara, muffled voices reach me from the back of the motorhome, the sound slowly building as the bus is pulled towards young street, downtown t.o. There is talk of a night out on-the-town, a breather, a chance to unwind and reflect on the past week; a chance for me maybe to get caught up on my journals. I am seriously lagging behind the champ erik’s record 59.5 journals, but a tad ahead of brad’s four. Quality or quality? Erik takes the highroad, brad the low- I’ll ride the midline. Somewhere between heaven and hell, bliss and burnout. I have had both on the tour, but always seem to settle in the middle, defying the laws of emotional gravity, levitating above the stress.

I wanted to fly today, envying the grey gull that coasted in front of me over the cascading liquid that fell from the hundred foot shelf, niagara falls. Right in front of the gull was erik trying to do the same, standing on his head, a foot from the falls, only the mist their to break his fall. If his equilibrium failed him -like it has so many times before; his broken back, elbow and wrist can all attest to this! Regardless, it was m agical and nothing could disturb the peace I was feeling at that moment. my mind wondered back hundreds of years to when the eyes of the first settlers gazed this natural wonder. I felt like I had stepped into an ansel adams photograph, minus the bridge across the river, and the casino behind us. I wanted to be alone for one second, so I followed erik over the railing, towards the falls and lied down on my back, resting my head over the edge and leaned back till my view Was FILLED with water and waves. I looked out over the falls and the blood rushed from MY BODY TO MY TEMPLES LEAVING MY TOES TINGLINE AND RAISED SLIGHTLY OFF THE GROUND, LEVITATING ABOVE THE SOAKED GRASS.

Tonight, I am fasting from the news, unfortunately cnn and every major media outlet is addicted (a true definition of the obsession THAT THE MEDIA HAS WITH CONFICT) to the serial killings in Washington. The story has become a public drug, one that kills (THERE ARE STUDIES SHOWING THAT THE SENSATIONALIZED MEDIA COVERAGE OF SERIAL MURDERS CAN CREATE A APPEALING CLIMATE FOR THOSE KILLERS SEEKING ATTENTION) AND GLUES PEOPLE TO THE TV SCREENS INSTEAD OF FOCUSING ON WHAT THEY CAN DO TO BETTER THE WORLD IN THEIR OWN COMMUNITIES. How many pages do I have to flip through UNtil I find at least one positive sentence that won’t keep me barricaded in my room, fearful and disillusioned with society. I remember feeling the same way during the atrocities in new york WHEN I GOT hooked on the news accounts of the terrorists attacks and the ensuing war in Afghanistan. I, like many other, took some serious time to reflect upon the global situation, and also the micro-level problems in society AFTER SEPTEMBER 11. I wanted to know how I could actually be apart or a start of some wide-sweeping change that would affect the world in a positive way. However, reading the headlines, my stomach curls, knowing that we haven’t progressed, instead our society still thrives on conflict(iraq), disaster(bali) and tragedy(pickton). SO I SIT HERE CONTEMPLATING LIFE….

Why aM I here?
What IS MY TRUTH?
Can I make a difference?
It is my right to be ignorant?
Am I a compassionate person?
What corporations should I support?
Does it matter if I don’t know the issues?
Is the world learning from its mistakes?
Do I have responsibility to educate others?
Are we entitled to our wealth here in the 1st world?
How much of my time should I dedicate to volunteering?
Do I make an effort everyday to be a more compassionate person?
Are we individually responsible for the safety and health of other?
IF I ASK MYSELF THESE QUESTIONS I WONDER IF I WILL EVENTUALLY FIND THE ANSWERS.
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