Extreme Kindness

When they are depressed, many people withdraw, pull the shades, twist into a cocoon, and stop seeing their friends. This is the worst possible thing to do. - Alan loy McGinnis The Power of Optimism

I absolutely loved finding this book hidden away in the public library downtown Victoria BC.

I have personally noticed that many people, friends, family and co-workers, have withdrawn or tried to isolate themselves, when emotionally or physically injured.

When I was younger and got hurt I would try to isolate myself and instead of healing I would instead nurse my pain, hurt, fear or anger. Luckily for me I quickly discovered that spending time with my friends was the cure all for any injury.

But the only reason I was able to access this was because my friends would not take no for an answer. When I walked with a cane for almost two years Chris and Erik would force me to go on hikes with them, where they would even take turns carrying me over the rough terrain. When my mother died, my friends were all in the room with me and a few weeks later forced me onto a plane headed to Mexico and surfing adventures.

These solid friendships allowed me to feel constantly connected to love and life’s laughter. You can always find a way to heal if you are laughing and feeling connected to the world and people around you. SO if you have a friend who is trying to hide away, go drag them out into the sun!

Connection Exercise:

Jump up and down and try to be angry or sad. It is hard to do. Think about when you tell a tearful child to smile and they instantly stop crying. You have the ability to take control of your level of optimism. Just jump.

We all have wondered by good things happen to bad people, but Stephen Post has revealed in his new book, Why Good Things Happen to Good People, the science supporting the benefits of being good.

Stephen is the head of the Institute for Research on Unlimited Love, an organization dedicating to advancing research connected to love. Stephen outlines, several ways to give in your life including, Celebration, Generativity, Forgiveness, Courage, Humor, Respect, Compassion, Loyalty, Listening and Creativity. Stephen has used this platform of good to look at the connection between being good and being healthy.

Celebration, as defined in the book, is an acknowledgement of shared joy that positively affects people around us, and reflects gratitude. Celebration is understood as a giving action, which can be practiced and enhanced.

This virtue can take the form of gratitude and nurtured daily through rituals and actions.

Everyone has something to celebrate in their lives, no matter how clouded they are from the challenges of life. Celebration ultimately is a choice to perceive the events of your life and the world, in an empowering way. Too often we overlook the actions, events and people in our life that add beauty, joy and wonder.

There are many ways to celebrate our life, one of the easiest I can recommend – which takes very little time – is to write down beautiful quotes that remind you of the magnificence of life. The prominent psychologist, Abraham Maslow (who developed the hierarch of needs) reflected on the importance of gratitude saying we must,

It is easy to forget when you are working for someone, that they too are merely human and need help from you to connect effectively each day.

https://www.courses.fas.harvard.edu/~soc186/AssignedReadings/Axmith-Coaching.pdf

This article defines 4 typical areas where a CEO / Leader in business might struggle. Today I would like to look at one in particular.

“THE ENCROACHER”

“The CEO of a large communications company was working 70 hours a week, and as a result he was tired, tense and short-tempered. By the CEO’s own definition of leadership-”the ability to inspire others to work toward objectives which they have come to accept as their own”-this individual was clearly failing. He was a living example of, “How can I hope to inspire others when I feel burnt out and uninspired myself?” ”

The main problem stemmed from his/her need to micro manage.

It was found that the CEO was “encroaching on areas of the business that were clearly the functional responsibility of his direct reports, causing duplication, resentment and animosity.”

Through coached meetings the CEO and the people working for him directly were able to realign their responsibilities. From the top down the CEO and the entire organization learned the value of being kind to one self and ones co-workers and the effect it would have on each persons ability to connect with their colleagues and leaders.

In any relationship you have to have TRUST in order to connect. You have to realize that people will sometimes move towards a common goal in their own manner. Learn to step back and support for certain periods of time. Set milestones and benchmarks but give the people above and beside you the chance to get there on their own terms if possible.

I thought I would take a quick look at leadership today and what it means. A great paper to read on the subject is:

What’s your story? A life-stories approach to authentic leadership development
Boas Shamira, T, Galit Eilamb, 1
Department of Sociology and Anthropology, The Hebrew University, Jerusalem, 91905, Israel
School of Business Administration, Ono Academic College, 104 Zahal Street, Kiryat Ono, Israel

https://www.courses.fas.harvard.edu/~soc186/AssignedReadings/Shamir-Stories.pdf

In this paper, the subject of authentic leadership is discussed in detail. The authors describe leaders as having “achieved a high level of self-resolution ( Turner, 1976) or self-concept clarity, which
refers to the extent to which one’s self-beliefs are clearly and confidently defined and internally
consistent”.

Who has had a leader in business, school or sports where the person/captain/boss/teacher was inconsistent in their values? I found it personally impossible to remain inspired by such people. While they might have been impressive from the get go, it soon becomes apparent that unauthentic leaders lack substance and are one day shows. They may say and appear to do all the right things from an initial meeting but over time the people being led start to lose faith in the strength of their leaders values.

A leader must know who he or she is without room for constant doubt. They must be able to connect with themselves first and foremost on a daily level. This will enable them to connect with the people they lead.

“As people become more certain of their self-conceptions, they are more inclined to rely on these conceptions to organize their experiences, predict future events, and guide behavior (Swann, 1990). For these reasons, stable and coherent self-concepts provide authentic leaders with a critically important source of coherence, and a framework for defining their existence, organizing experience, predicting future
events, and guiding social interactions (Swann & Schroeder, 1995; Swann, Rentfrow, & Quinn,
2003).”

“Kindness Rocks is an initiative to help stop violence and bullying in schools and communities throughout the world by inspiring youth to take kind and positive action on a daily basis, and to let them know how important their individual contribution is to the world as a whole.”

www.kindnessrocks.net/whatiskindnessrocks.html

A friend of mine, Brock Tully, who I call the ‘Brock’ Star of kindness made me aware of this incredible group. www.brocktully.com

Check it out and get inspired.

B-RAD

This past weekend Brad and I spoke to a group of volunteers at the 2008 Vitalize conference in Edmonton. One of the topics we addressed with the enthusiastic group was health. For anyone in the world of service, learning how to find balance and restore energy is imperative. Essentially, a person must learn to be well to ensure they are able to function properly and to serve others in the workplace, at home and in the community.

Every time I step onto a plane, I am reminded of the necessity of taking care of self before others. At the beginning of the flight the steward announced the safety instructions of the airplane including, in the event of an emergency, and a loss of oxygen in the cabin, an clear mask will drop from the ceiling. If you are with a small child, please remember to place the mask on yourself first. A Simple message, that transfers into the rest of our lives. When we experience stress, or challenges in our life and we always do, we must remember to take care of ourselves, or our stress, like having no oxygen will incapacitate us.

A simple tool to help release stress and calm the body is called, diaphragmatic breathing. Complicate name, simple technique! This exercise involves breathing deeply from our belly, instead of our chest, where we tend breath from to as a result of stress. The miracle of this method is that where the breath goes, the body follows. During stress, our sympathetic nervous system is over-stimulated producing an increased heart rate, perspiration, muscle tension and breathing. As we slow down the breath and take in more oxygen, all of these stress responses decrease and we begin to feel calmer and more relaxed.

The next time you feel overwhelmed or stresses, just breath deeply.

ONE – A Face Behind The Numbers
ONE, by Vaden Earle, is a compendium on social justice issues, including statistics, real-life stories, and striking photography; bringing the numbers to life.

Eleven chapters illume the injustices of the humanitarian crisis, accompanied by captivating photos of desperate situations.

ALL PROCEEDS FROM THIS BOOK GO TOWARDS CHARITY one.absolute.org

Three time Pulitzer Prize Author Thomas L. Friedman makes an interesting observation in his book: THE WORLD IS FLAT; A Brief History of The Twenty-First Century.

He declares that there are 3 stages or rather era’s in the evolution of Globalization.

Globalization 1.0 1492-1800
This era of history began with Columus proving that the world was round. “It shrank the world from a size large to a size medium” The key to making a mark in this period was the amount of brawn one country could bring to bear and how creative it was in the deployment of said strength. “The primary questions were: Where does my country fit into global competition and opportunites? How can I go global and collaborate with others through my country?” In many ways, at this time, the common man would be a spectator to the clashing of titans.

Globalization 2.0 1800-2000
Friedman sees the “second great era” shrinking again, from a size medium to a size small. “The key agent of change, the dynamic force driving global integration, was multinational companies”. The Industrial Revolution, steam power, railroadsm the PC, telephones and the early World Wide Web all helped to bring the earth down a second size. The global economy was born and the big question was: “How can I go global and collaborate with others through my company”?

Globalization 3.0 2000 – Present Day
“Shrinking the world from a size small to a size tiny and flattening the playing field at the same time.” Software and the development of a “global fiber-optic networt has made all of us next door neighbours”.

“Individuals must, and can, now ask, Where do I fit into te global competition and opportunities of the day, and how can I, on my own, collaborate with others globally?”

People all over the world are being empowered to make their mark on this nw flat and even playing field, our new planet.

The question is what will YOU do with this opportunity? All it takes is ONE good IDEA and the determination to put it into ACTION.

The World Is Flat BUT I would argue that there is yet no edge of the earth or limit to how far one person can now sail.

A great book to read and one that every CEO should have within arms reach is NATURAL CAPITALISM, by Paul Hawken, Amory Lovins and L. Hunter Lovins.

A positive but realistic look at what must occur for our leaders to move our world towards a sustainable economy. This book gives the reader a very solid understanding of what MUST become a reality for our next INDSUTRIAL REVOLUTION.

In the words of the authors, “it is about the possibilites that will arise from the birth of a new type of industrialism, one that differs in its philosophy, goals, and fundamental processes from the industrial system that is the standard today.

The Extreme Kindness Crew has always shared the vision of CONNECTING THE WORLD THROUGH KINDNESS. We have done this BY INSPIRING millions thorugh media and entertainment outlets such as the internet and prime time news. We have endevoured to EDUCATE through our books and seminars on THE KINDNESS INJECTION. We have encouraged the MOBILIZATION of new KINDNESS CREW members across the globe. However, I often feel a special twinge of hope when given the opportunity to present our 4 PILLARS of KINDNESS to major corporations and CEO’s. When an influential person or group possess the values of kindness to the SELF, CO-WORKER/FAMILY, CUSTOMER and COMMUNITY, perhaps these catergories will play a small part in helping to produce a renewed push towards long term wealth, that will sustain itself through generations. Businesses are not just made up of steel buidlings and larger then life logo’s. Business is about people coming together around an idea and the journey to attain a common goal.

What greater goal or dream could all our CEO’s have, but that of a sustainable earth and economy? Thats just good business.

“An economy needs four types of capital to function properly:
-human capital, in the form of labor and intelligence, culture, and organization
-financial capital, consisting of cash, investments, and monetary instruments
-manufactured capital, including infrastructure, machines, tools, and factories
-natural capital, made up of resources, living systems, and ecosystem services” (page 4, Natural Capitalism)

After reading this book, if I were to pick a 5th and all important pillar to add to the KINDNESS INJECTION, I would choose KINDNESS TO THE ENVIRONMENT.

The last page of the book ends with a hopefull begining; “Natural capitalism is about choices we can make that can start to tip economic and social outcomes in positive directions. And it is already occuring because it is necessary, possible, and practical.”

The next time you are thinking about taking a vacation I would suggest checking out the Hero Holiday Program run by ABSOLUTE LEADERSHIP.

Here is a description taken from their incredible website: absolute.org

“Hero Holiday is a program run by Absolute Leadership Development Inc. We believe that this generation of Canadian youth has the capacity to affect change on the earth. Every year, we provide opportunities for high school students to participate in a humanitarian relief project by bringing practical assistance to those living in extreme poverty. Activities may include building homes, distributing supplies, providing food, mobile medical clinics and working with children at risk. This program allows them to see first-hand how two-thirds of the world lives, expands their world view and gives them an opportunity to become educators on world poverty by sharing their experiences.”