Extreme Kindness

Extreme Kindness

I’ve pondered this myself

I got a splendid question from someone the other day and thought y’all might enjoy both the question itself and just one possible answer. I’ve left out the person’s name to respect their privacy:


Hi Val,

I was reading your book last night and I have to say, you guys have done some pretty cool things. I am struggling right now because I feel to weighed down and overwhelmed with all the little details of my life and since I can’t/don’t feel compelled to just leave all that and take up a full-time vocation of extreme kindness, do you have any suggestions for how to incorporate it into my life style that already exists? Or does extreme kindness require some sort of upheaval or reorganization (at least of priorities)?



Great, GREAT question! In my expereience, all it requires is a little mental adjustment, a willingness to be open to accepting opportunities to be extremely kind. You don’t have to seek them out or reinvent your life. Moments to express your compassion will find you, but go ahead and ask the universe to start sending you some of those “moments”. You will attract only what you desire to do. You don’t need to spend nights on the street with the homeless but you can certainly comfort a freshman during a crisis by taking them out for a 20 minute coffee. Just be careful you don’t put out the “i-can-save-the-world” vibe: the universe will send you massive projects! Just be open to the little, but still profound and immeasurably great, acts of kindness. (A massive snowdrift is still made of perfect, microscopic snowflakes…)

Hope that helps, V.

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33 Responses to “I’ve pondered this myself”

  1. DSD Says:
    November 27th, 2006 at 10:26 am

    Even the smallest gesture can have a ripple effect…
    When our intentions are clear, and we expect little from the effort, then who knows…

  2. Jeanene Says:
    February 15th, 2007 at 9:44 pm

    This is not a response but rather a question.
    Do you know when someone performs an act of kindness,
    if the recipient ever asks, “why are you doing this for me”? Or, what have I done to deserve this?
    I have been the recipient of a couple of small gifts for no reason at all and I have said, “oh my god what did I do to deserve this”.
    Just curious is all,and by the way you guys are awesome.

  3. Diana Says:
    April 2nd, 2007 at 10:25 pm

    I’ve seen the four of you guys in action once during your 2002 tour, and ever since, I’ve truly been inspired by what you do. And you’re right! It’s all about that little ‘mental adjustment’. Any moment can be an opportunity to be kind. It’s all about the little random acts of kindness. ;)
    As Winston Churchill said: “We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.”

  4. PAR Says:
    August 17th, 2007 at 8:58 am

    Isn’t it funny how some people are just naturally kind, while others have to think about it and plan it into their day,week or month. I find just a friendly hello or a smile can brighten someones day.
    I work in a state run psychiatric facility and I am continually work on myself and the way I interact with others. To me saying the right thing or being kind is a must and a passion I take very seriously. Over the 24 years of my work experience the one thing I hear people say is thank you for listening. I feel that is what I do best, is listen.
    It doesn’t have to make sense to me what the person is saying or trying to say as long as I am really listening. I am not here to judge anyone, I am here to listen, sometimes offer advice, bust mostly to say a kind word or two.
    I try to make my work area inviting, comfortable, with many things that are calming to look at, touch and smell good. Then I ask questions, not about illness but about how you feed your soul, mind and body with postive thinking and positive feedback. How do you reduce those negative feelings and fill them up with positive feelings. It usually takes some time before that question can be answered but with positive feed back it usually comes. If I can remain focused on staying calm, being positive and giving positive feedback I can give someone the hope that they often seek. Feed the soul with hope and possibilities and watch it grow.
    Go into work with a smile and a positive attitude. Keep that positive attitude no matter what happens that day.
    It will rub off on others. The more positive you are about any situation the better the results. Positive energy will attract more positive energy.
    Thank you all for spreading your positive energy. And spreading the attitude of kindness to all. For I am greatful for all the positive and kindness spread to others each day. You never know when it could have saved someones life. Just one act of kindness does make a difference. I’ve seen and heard of it first hand. Again- Thank you All who spread kindness. When you are kind to someone it feeds the heart and soul and often brings hope for a better day.

  5. Georgia Says:
    October 4th, 2007 at 5:45 pm

    i love this website, i am also working on showing kindness to others, i look for opportunites to help others. i am trying to keep a postive attitude in all things. keep up the good work……

  6. Jessica Hatfield Says:
    November 14th, 2007 at 10:48 am

    I just read over this site to see what it was about.lWe are in class right now and i thought i should leave a message say thank you for all you have done for the people you have givin kindness.It was really nice of everyone and im sure it will brighten the days to come of those you help.

  7. mila Says:
    November 20th, 2007 at 8:54 am

    looks like the site is a popular in class pick me up. I too am in lecture and with a long school year still ahead of me (currently a nursing student in classes until july) I frequently sit and search for an inspiring summer project of sorts.. find away to support a cause, give my time for greater good, something that I can dedicate a couple months too prior to starting my last year of school. I know there are lots of things I could take part in, and know you won’t have the answer for me, but thought i would throw it out there for possible suggestion..
    keep up the kind work, you are an inspiration!

  8. Holton Buggs Says:
    August 24th, 2014 at 12:42 pm

    Holton Buggs…

    Extreme Kindness » I’ve pondered this myself…

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