Extreme Kindness

We all have wondered by good things happen to bad people, but Stephen Post has revealed in his new book, Why Good Things Happen to Good People, the science supporting the benefits of being good.

Stephen is the head of the Institute for Research on Unlimited Love, an organization dedicating to advancing research connected to love. Stephen outlines, several ways to give in your life including, Celebration, Generativity, Forgiveness, Courage, Humor, Respect, Compassion, Loyalty, Listening and Creativity. Stephen has used this platform of good to look at the connection between being good and being healthy.

Celebration, as defined in the book, is an acknowledgement of shared joy that positively affects people around us, and reflects gratitude. Celebration is understood as a giving action, which can be practiced and enhanced.

This virtue can take the form of gratitude and nurtured daily through rituals and actions.

Everyone has something to celebrate in their lives, no matter how clouded they are from the challenges of life. Celebration ultimately is a choice to perceive the events of your life and the world, in an empowering way. Too often we overlook the actions, events and people in our life that add beauty, joy and wonder.

There are many ways to celebrate our life, one of the easiest I can recommend – which takes very little time – is to write down beautiful quotes that remind you of the magnificence of life. The prominent psychologist, Abraham Maslow (who developed the hierarch of needs) reflected on the importance of gratitude saying we must,

It is easy to forget when you are working for someone, that they too are merely human and need help from you to connect effectively each day.

https://www.courses.fas.harvard.edu/~soc186/AssignedReadings/Axmith-Coaching.pdf

This article defines 4 typical areas where a CEO / Leader in business might struggle. Today I would like to look at one in particular.

“THE ENCROACHER”

“The CEO of a large communications company was working 70 hours a week, and as a result he was tired, tense and short-tempered. By the CEO’s own definition of leadership-”the ability to inspire others to work toward objectives which they have come to accept as their own”-this individual was clearly failing. He was a living example of, “How can I hope to inspire others when I feel burnt out and uninspired myself?” ”

The main problem stemmed from his/her need to micro manage.

It was found that the CEO was “encroaching on areas of the business that were clearly the functional responsibility of his direct reports, causing duplication, resentment and animosity.”

Through coached meetings the CEO and the people working for him directly were able to realign their responsibilities. From the top down the CEO and the entire organization learned the value of being kind to one self and ones co-workers and the effect it would have on each persons ability to connect with their colleagues and leaders.

In any relationship you have to have TRUST in order to connect. You have to realize that people will sometimes move towards a common goal in their own manner. Learn to step back and support for certain periods of time. Set milestones and benchmarks but give the people above and beside you the chance to get there on their own terms if possible.

I thought I would take a quick look at leadership today and what it means. A great paper to read on the subject is:

What’s your story? A life-stories approach to authentic leadership development
Boas Shamira, T, Galit Eilamb, 1
Department of Sociology and Anthropology, The Hebrew University, Jerusalem, 91905, Israel
School of Business Administration, Ono Academic College, 104 Zahal Street, Kiryat Ono, Israel

https://www.courses.fas.harvard.edu/~soc186/AssignedReadings/Shamir-Stories.pdf

In this paper, the subject of authentic leadership is discussed in detail. The authors describe leaders as having “achieved a high level of self-resolution ( Turner, 1976) or self-concept clarity, which
refers to the extent to which one’s self-beliefs are clearly and confidently defined and internally
consistent”.

Who has had a leader in business, school or sports where the person/captain/boss/teacher was inconsistent in their values? I found it personally impossible to remain inspired by such people. While they might have been impressive from the get go, it soon becomes apparent that unauthentic leaders lack substance and are one day shows. They may say and appear to do all the right things from an initial meeting but over time the people being led start to lose faith in the strength of their leaders values.

A leader must know who he or she is without room for constant doubt. They must be able to connect with themselves first and foremost on a daily level. This will enable them to connect with the people they lead.

“As people become more certain of their self-conceptions, they are more inclined to rely on these conceptions to organize their experiences, predict future events, and guide behavior (Swann, 1990). For these reasons, stable and coherent self-concepts provide authentic leaders with a critically important source of coherence, and a framework for defining their existence, organizing experience, predicting future
events, and guiding social interactions (Swann & Schroeder, 1995; Swann, Rentfrow, & Quinn,
2003).”